shut up brain

ugh my life. my life my life my life. my brain needs to shut up. so now, i must blog about something. caause its bothering me. sooooo if i must here i go.....

so say you have a friend. they are your best friend. you guys are super close. like inseperable. and everyone knows that you guys are best friends.you do everything together. you have so many fun memories. at one point, not talking or seeing each other for like 1 week was crazy. you missed each other like there was no tomorrow. your best friend does something that pisses you off and you talk to them about it. you guys pretty much get over it. but your biggest fear is that nothing will ever be the same. the way it uesd to be. and its tre. once you confroted your friend, you guys talked, but drifted. you guys never know whats going on in each ithers life. you have no clue. not seeing each others for weeks and days has become the norm. it is in a way no longer important to share every detail with your best friend. but you both dont see the drifting until someone mentions it to one of you. that is whats going on. i was the one that got told. i was the one someone mentioned that me and my friend werent as close as we were before. at first i just blamed it on different things: we live far from each other, we dont go to the same school, we both are always busy. but the person that told me mentioned practices and how we always see each other there but we arent as close as before. and that is what set off the bomb in my brain. i never really realized it. and if i did, i kinda left it. it didnt really matter. and now its bothering me like crazy. my bff and i arent as close as we were before. and im not gonna lie, i kinda miss that. truly one of the most valuable friendships in my life. she knows everything. and i opened up to her. and if you know me i dont open up easily. i just...dont know. the thing is, i want to get away. im not saying i want to get away from my friend dont get me wrong i love her to death. but leaving what i have in a way is an escape. i think imm ready to just go. im done with this whole home deal. ive been wanting to get away for a while. leaving everything i have and starting over. new friends and new atmosphere. its hard. life is hard. complainer or what? im just tired of...this. the norm. the college experience that im not getting. what im getting is basically a public high school....go to school then go home. home where your parents and sibilings are. bring or what. i envy my friends that are actually getting the college experience:dorm rooms, roommates, big lecture classes, parties, sororities, etc. etc. i want to get away now. i cant wait for hawaii. hawaii. paradise for school. ill be on my own. ill be missing a lot after i leave but its away.

"life is a school for angels. love is the the teacher,so do your homework without fear. death is merely graduation"