Today Is The Day

Sitting here in Noelle's room getting ready to leave for San Diego in a couple of hours to drop off our dearest love, Nikki. This day has come all too soon and now it is time for goodbyes.

I am so proud of Nikki for making it this far. She is an amazing person and deserves this more than anyone I know. It is a hard thing to do and let go of someone so close to me. I've done that plenty of times, sure. But in a way, I was forced to let go. I had no control over the situation at hand. This situation is different. I will still be able to see her. The only difference is that she is no longer right over the hill. I no longer have the comfort of being able to call her and her being at my house in 20 minutes because I am having a bad day and crying. Yes, she will be only 2 hours away. But 2 hours is precious time. It feels as if those 2 hours will never be free for me to drive down and visit.

I think the thing that is killing me the most right now is being here with Noelle. I know this is hard for her. I hate seeing her cry. Having her cry in my arms hurts me but I need to be there for her. She's my little sister. I love her. I can sit here and just tell Nikki "Please dont go!" but i would rather her go and be who she needs to be instead of holding her back for my own comfort. Whats up selfish?!

So many emotions are running through my mind right now that I don't know what to feel. Should I be happy and excited for her new adventure? Or should I be sad because my best friend is moving?

Ok. Bye.

okbye

okbye nikki.

cypress

can suck it.



Happy birthday Ashley Cain!!!!!!!

Goodbye Summer '08

I never thought I would be so happy for a summer to come to an end. There's a first for everything. I am so glad summer is over. I'm ready to get back in the swing of the things and just what I need to do. Fuck this summer. I'm not mad, just disappointed. But it is over now and I couldn't be happier. It has been a tough summer for sure. So goodbye to hell. It was a not a good summer. But here we go back to school, back to what I need. And I am so ready to consume myself in school. I'm ready to leave this place.

Dreams are calling.

Mexican Enough?

I finished the book. And it was amazing. I want to explore Mexico with nothing more than a backpack on my back. I'm inspired. I want to learn more about my culture and where I come from. I have always felt distant from my Mexican-ness. But not until lately, have I had the urge to find out more. Not just because of this book but even before I read the book did I have the urge to learn more about myself. 

And I told Tonie I wanted a quincenera even though I am well aged from being fifteen. But she said for my little cousins quince [in two years], I could also have a grand ball. Like a veintidos-enera? haha. And it will be in Mexico. The whole she-bang. She promised. Quiet honsetly, I am hella excited! 

Your Shit Don't Phase Me

This evening, talks with bff scar were nice and much needed. I've noticed that as just this summer has gone by, we have realized that we are adults. Strange to say and even think. Me and Scar adults?!?!?!? WTFFFFF?!?!?! We are probably one of the most childlike people on the planet. But it is amazing. We talked. And we realizde one of our biggest struggles as of late is that we don't let ourselves have fun anymore. We are too preoccupied with work and whatnot that we forget to just sit back and enjoy things. We are just so tired and tied up in the hustle and bustle of things that it's hard to do anything but sleep on our time off. As summer quickly comes to an end, I've thought about it. Sure it was an emotional time. Sure things didn't go as planned. And sure as hell it was rocky. I look back and look at all the fun times i just let go. I mean, I don't regret it, but I look and think to myself, "Why?" Why did I waste so much energy on something so little that doesn't really mean anything anymore? Why did I give up on something I wanted so badly to work out? It has all already happened. And it happened that way for a reason. Whatever though. I'm fine with it and in a way, I'm glad I took things the way I did. I've grown a lot this summer even though it came with tears and bitchiness galore. I've learned more than ever this summer that we are here for a short time. Whatever happens, happens and it happens for a reason. Just go with the flow of things, good or bad. It is all beyond your power whether you like to admit it or not. Just live peacefully and in love. That's all we can do. Goodbye summer. Even though it was one of the worst, inside of me it was one of much growth.

Lucky, Momma, and boys.

Wednesday was a great night. Hanging out with these boys is the best thing ever. I'm so thankful that they are my friends and we do what we do! And of course that girl down there. My BFF.

My 2 boo's

my girls ;]

Jeremy and nikki got downnn. WTFFFFFF?!

Gay Best Friends

It's the new in thing. I love my boys. haha